nothing is sharper than the break between ignorance and bliss consciousness and i miss you

i don't want to sleep anymore

i'm tired of meeting those faces

let to roam on parole throughout my dreams

and how they crowd close 

pressing up against my skin so tight

i cannot cover my ears

while they whisper whisper whisper

scream!

all at once now 

and they tell me you're so strong

you'll be the one to make it sure

you can carry carry carry one more

and they press so close to me

wrap their warmth around me

pour their breath into my hair 

and drop kisses on my cheek like rain

saying we, we, we love you...

we won't we won't we....leave you

oh, don't let me fall asleep

i'm tired so tired of these dreams

these voices that i know

and this waking up alone

on the dawn of the third day. look to the east.

she looks at me and says

-it seems like you've been down

forever-

cuts me to the heart 

with that bleak photograph

superimposed over my mirror

i want to just surrender

throw in that limp rag i've been waving

and collapse

i've been trying so long

to make sure i'd never hear you say

you're done. sit down.

yet another failure to mark down

but i've got just enough grit left in these veins

enough cement in these bones to say

maybe tomorrow

maybe tomorrow i'll be okay.

at night

sometimes i open that perfume bottle

just a little

and pretend i can see the scent

rising into the air

practice feeling the way it does

as it coils through this transparent space

and when it hits me

i see in shades of red

where it has spilt down the currents

twisted in upon itself in a small mushroom cloud

and then scatters

leaving nothing but a faint memory

that catches at the corner of your mind

like a name you've forgotten

but sounds like a sigh

in the back of your tongue

sometimes i open that bottle

the one that smells like you

pretend that its you wrapped around me

in the spray

and i blame my tears on the sting of the alcohol

Euphemisms.

do you know what it is like to take a shovel

a good sharp shovel with a shining edge

and thrust it into the ground?

there's that soft resistance and then a faint

pop

as the hardened earth gives way 

and it slides down and under

with the warm scent rising into the air 

sweet and heavy to cling to you

and then you push a little harder and flex

throw the dirt and how it spreads throughout the air

scattering and falling looking almost liquid

till it sprinkles across you and you laugh

wiping the smudges down your arms

and feeling like for once the world is alright....

have you ever felt that way- she asked

running her hand absently over her ridged wrist

like the world is alright?

Breakfast with me?

do you know those mean reds

those days you wake up and the light

breaks on you like the cold waves

from the salt sea the day you realized 

you could not outswim the tide

and its going to take take take you away

those are the days i climb into the tower

the one that stands like a prison to

lock yourself away in your hungry solitude

let the dragon loose and hear him roar

and you wonder why i look at you like that

like something broken 

the mean reds have me and i'm so afraid

i don't know

but that they won't let go. 

Flat screen.

you don't get it

why i'm searching through these old books 

what draws me to these two dimensional faces

facing me from their flat screens 

trying to say something with their clumsy words

and all they get is the laugh track

you still don't know

why i'm playing with this chemistry

changing the lengths of these curves

shifting the pitch of these sounds

looking through these stock characters

for something with a bit of bitter

a touch of tension

i'm just looking for a bang

to go out with

ID Please.

i wonder when you will realize

what these words mean

all these thousand times i've told you

who i am.