for the future from the past

i love to wrap myself

deep inside your coat

like a wintering animal

building a shelter

against every cold thing the world can throw

buttoning it up tight to my chin

and laughing with you

about how it hangs over my hands

leaving the cuffs limp

slumped over like a faucet

that your hands normally spill out of

but with me tucked inside

they simply swing through the air

as loose punctuation marks

to dot the nonsense we say

like the fact that my knees 

are hidden in the depths of this fabric

and how you have to search to find me

amongst the dark folds

but that i'm always to be found

laughing below the collar

that drawn high

covers my mouth and the cold tip of my nose

leaving only my eyes

and those loose curls that drive me crazy

showing in the night air

and you laugh and tuck each curl back into place

while we walk together

talking of other shelters that we will build

under these frozen stars

and how you and me and this coat

will be all that we will need

love cycle

i'm thinking of you

thinking of you

in circles

the scrawled circles

of kindergarten

with bright coloured wax

and no fear to fail

no fear of falling

the limitless circle

of the stonebuilt well

that drops down and down

to eternity

and swallows

our wishes with the copper pennies

the blurred circle of the sun

that caught our gaze

and then left us

stumbling around

in a world of darkness

till we stumbled on each other

and fell laughing to the ground

the careful circle we made

with my arm here

and your arm there

to turn some ancient rhythm 

in tracery upon the floor

my bright skirt brushing your polished boots

i've been thinking of you

in circles

turning myself around and around

looking outward

drawing perfect circles in the ground

with my weary feet

to ignore the fact i always knew

that in the center of a circle

is nothing but emptiness

and so here i am

tracing the rims

waiting for your return

i've been thinking of you

all day all night

wearing down this ground

as i go around and around

enemies and lovers

the air is ravaged

by mysteries

that stretch taut and silent

between the edges of my skin and yours

like silent triggers

waiting to incinerate

swallowing up this air

in great hungry gulps of heat

until there is nothing left

but edge on edge

and a magnetic sort of peace

while we give the answers

to these mysteries

in mouth-to-mouth communication

and turn the keys

to keep all of this silent

we wrap the air around us both

and tie it tight with sound

beyond the blue.

the whisper edges of my skin

tell me about air

about how it wraps around me

how it slides in and out

slipping into my veins

in small careful bubbles

and rushing out again

but i'm not sure i believe them

i'm trapped in a vacuum

and when i push

nothing stands in my way

i neither rise nor fall

just am

stupidly waving these extremities

the curved whorls of my ears

tell me about sound

how it bounces heavily

and whirls its way through the crevices

to weave a web of noise

that somehow affects my feet

and my smile

but i don't understand them

i've never heard anything

unless this constant thump-thump

counts for anything

but that is through my bones

and not my ear

and shakes me terrified

my timorous throbbing heart

tells me about love

how it sinks through the skin

and turns everything hot and wonderful

makes you beautiful

and spills laughter and tears all over

like a flood of freedom

and this i already knew

this wild swirling rush

that picks you up off the ground

and throws you into the sky

tumbling laughing crying through the blue

up and up

up up and away

this i already knew

and this i tell my heart

what comes after the blue

that soft and sparkling blue

what comes after that

but the black of emptiness

of eternity and infinity and individuality

when we broke through the barrier

and got swept away

into the empty space

between us

and so i drift

while the lovers in the blue

laugh and point out the sparkling stars

and how they seem to move

mental lockdown.

she started in white

-i'm just the victim here-

and he looked himself up and down

coating his clothes black

and with a sardonic gesture

threw his hand into the red paint

and splattered it across the floor

leaving it dripping from his fingers

-i dont blame you.

its just the world. fate.karma.

the way things are-

so he threw the globe onto the scales

a list of empty calendar dates

and broken photograph frames 

-don't be like that.

i'm just the writer of words

the sketcher of unknown seas

if you will-

he smiled at that

a cold smile that peeled back from his teeth

as though they stung them

as he threw his hands into the sky

and collapsing into a heap

his black clothes sprayed with the red

like a strafed doll

left dropped in mourning

-why do you do that.

bring death into it. 

its not there for me.

leave me out of that-

so he turned his back on her

and slid through the back

leaving the empty space only

as she screamed

-don't leave me

don't leave me-

when they found her sitting

before the broken glass

and a mirror frame

in red blood like paint

and shattered hands

no one asked why

she told them as they wrapped her in the white

and tucked her in tight

-he's gone. the muse is gone.

and he wouldnt take me with him-

she started in white.

Survivor

they caught me again.

trying to squeeze though the screen

forcing my miniscule molecules

through the sharp edged gaps in the atoms

memories first

flesh afterwards

like they used to say

with the dramatic music of thumping basses and screeching flutes

women and children first.

women and children first.

as though they were being brave.

the cowards.

to slide into easy oblivion

and leave the rest toiling

with the face of your grinning martyrdom ever before them.

as though piercing these memories through

needle through thread

string your eyes together 

will keep this skin and blood healthy

and i'm knitting myself a safety net

speading it warm across my lap

as if it were alive

twisting and knotting the things together

the things that used to hold me together

as if -if i pull it tight enough

it will cover me

swallow up all this discordant darkness

in its glistening web

and will slowly harden over these broken crevices

leaving me a strong and silent shell

unbreakable

and if you hold me close you can hear the voices

of all those grinning martyrs

who sank beneath the sea and wouldn't stay

but rose to hover before the faces of the women and children

who were saved. they were saved they say.

they caught me today

trying to fit through the window

they scolded me. like a small child

and pointed how i left smudges on the glass

on the bulletproof glass

Escape Plan B