Sunday, May 31, 2009

encounter.

let me tell you where to go
i know this island like i built it
as if i stacked each of these smooth stones
against the other and taught the shadows where to lie
for best effect
and i won't tell you how you affect me
on this island i ran to 
to be alone to be forgotten
and forget in turn
but you apparently took a wrong turn
and ended up here 
looking as lost as you ever were
and here i am to give you direction
away from me as always
the word polar opposite was made for us
as you freeze me out
i'll stand here then
on this granite home i've built
in the middle of this silicon city
and wave good bye


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Surrender. (for now)

they all told me
a thousand times or two
with their careful pauses and lovely glances
to the side and back again
like the pendulum swinging low over me
and at this point i might take the pit
i might choose delirium over despair
and again take fog over my fate
because when it comes down to it
i find that i'm afraid of these loud noises
the gunpowder that comes with the last stand
so i'll be quiet i'll be good
i'll take my pills like you say i should
because at the end i'll go
with a whispered wail of a whimper
not a bang

(but i'll leave my words to scream for me
hidden in the eaves of this pointed roof
and one day the swallows will find them
or the small handed children with sharp eyes
and they'll cut through this ink
and this ink will cut back
and i'll have my last laugh
a bang after all)

What depends on Who.

the skeletons were in the sand you see
under a light layer easily lifted
by my toes looking for a place to hide
from the sun and salt that make up that day in my memory
the sun the salt and the silence
i had curled my toes around the smooth edge
unconsciously
the way your head leans into a lover's touch
and four waves crashed into the sand's reincarnational embrace
before my absentminded hand unearthed the evidence
and came away grasping the weathered stick
i did not scream
do not count it to me as a sin
but looking at the bone in my hand i could say nothing
i ran my finger up and down the greyed tube
feeling the softness that sand gives 
as it rolls and rasps any roughness away over the years
i took it in my hand and watched how it cast a shadow
straight and thick over the dune
and then stood sending my own shadow away from the sunset
across the sand like a black ghost

He came from behind me and I did not see him
till he spoke and then I jumped
setting my toes carefully on top of the sand
as if there was nothing there
He looked at my hand clenched white around its burden
and raised his eyebrow
Oh you found one did you?
They're scattered all over these sands.
We burn them of an evening to watch the colours,
its the salt thats soaked into them, you see.

I backed away slowly unsure of what he meant
thinking of the northern lights
and how the cold people tell each other
that the swirling colours are the spirits of their little ones
playing all through the night
Maybe here too it fits
that in the midst of fire all that of beauty comes again
and we remember why we fell in love in the first place

still unsure I handed it to him
and with his sea-leather face he smiled
here, i'll put with the rest of the driftwood.
We'll have a pretty one tonight. 

Blow me away

yesterday the magic came
first at my fingertips
wet and a little sticky 
it made them burn and buzz
like the electric wires that swing above me
as they slice the sky into bite size pieces
so i took them, bite by bite
and with my sticky fingers stretched
the sky and magic over my wand
using it like a telescope to see the world anew
it twanged back and forth upon itself
flexing against the air
testing its strength
and finding it fit
i drew a piece of the magic into myself
and with my silent spell
half wish half prayer expelled it
pushing the weary world aside 
thrusting instead into my wonderland
and so i drifted away

yesterday they looked for me
amidst the wind and concrete
all they found was a bubble wand
and the reeds whispering a secret

Thursday, May 28, 2009

when i'm up on the ledge
leaning into the wind
thinking about the world
and the wild edges that i've yet to see
about the way my arms are built
i've seen them all glowing and white
with their pieces fitted in tight
looking like something familar
something i've seen before
in the rocks in the canyon
brushing the years away with my two hair brush
and my trembling fingers
watching the beak come pointing out
and the tips and the feet
that grabbed air currents and rode them free
i see them in my dreams
those yellow bones hard as can be
stretched and reaching 
still grabbing the world through me
hungry and wheeling and screaming
its screeching freedom song
it pulls me up on the ledge
me with my pieces all together and bare
looking for something to sweep me away
when i am up on the ledge
leaning into the wind
thinking of all the wild places
in the world i have yet to be

your voice comes up saying
come back down
come back down dear
come back
come back down

so slowly i climb back towards gravity
find my toeholds back to safety
closing my eyes and following your voice
come back down dear
and i have no choice

the song of freedom 
is something i cannot hear
under the cadence of you
come back down dear

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Meet me in the mess

 i've got stacks and stacks
folded and toppling
ribbed suitcases that have their skeletons
tight against the fabric
i walk like that
with my bones thrusting from my skin
like these tumbling packages 
from my hidden places
making a mess of my secrecy
leaving me as vulnerable as you
with your soul thrusting from your eyes
and today i just don't have the time
i've thrown my whole world in this room
and i can't make it fit again
not to mention you with your chaos love
and heartbeat like an earthquake
all i need now is something else to shake loose
and i'll be lost forever in this avalanche
of desires and needs and nos

so shut the door behind you
i can't care for your smile
i haven't the time for this romance
nor the strength for the coming goodbye

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

escape

Don't take me home tonight
let me close my eyes while you drive
i'll tell you a story
about the world 
and we'll let the waves
wash over the radio
i'll tell you my secrets
in the language that i love
and you'll laugh at me and wonder
where you caught this wild thing
what wind left me here in your hands
lets take the sand grain by grain
we'll give them their own names
and send them sliding down our legs
to anchor our feet in slick pyramids 
let the weight hold us here
caught and captured and content
don't drive me home tonight
lets close our eyes and wait for daylight
to find us stretched out on the shore
just hold my hand and i'll ask for nothing more
from the world



Monday, May 25, 2009

to my parents.

i carry you like a phone in my pocket
a weight that i need to balance me
the constant reminder 
that even when alone i exist
you sit careful on my mind
a door that takes me to a thousand safe places
but that i cannot open
yet
lest i never learn to stand
but spend my days inside the surety
of who i am because you know who you are
and how i wish to slide into it
to become a fixture in your permanent world
introduced in the dependent clause
and let you carry the verb alone
but instead i will stand
with my hand on my pocket
to remember that you are there
and walk on
discovering the places where i may stand
and build my own world

i thank you
for the courage.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Resting in Peace

a little fall of rain
against your white face on this green grass
a little fall of rain
and you don't even blink
watching the droplets speed towards you
and with a suicidal grace explode
against your skin
you move your slender finger
just enough to bend,not break, the blade of grass
and it fractures with a whistling noise
a dozen paper butterflies 
come tumbling through the air
sliding on updrafts with their immovable wings
and then crumpling slowly against the green
with small smudges to show
that the blade was double edged
and pierced both ways 
leaving green on the white slips
and the tips broken off under their weight
the little fall of rain softened them 
broke them down and apart
into the soft paste and then down into the mud
you with your white face facing the sky
smiled just the tiniest curve
in the midst of this little fall of rain

a little fall of rain
cannot hurt you now

so i'll hold your hand and sit a while
while you watch the sky and smile

the weight of change.

two voices make one story
two faces looking opposite ways
can see between them the world
look at these slivers of chains
we carry with us
easily bent
hard to break
sometimes i wish i could pour
them all away through
this fleshy funnel my fingers make
into those glass jars that sit mouths gaping
to swallow what is left of my freedom
but my fingers clench
and they clink against each other
hitting heavy in my fist
and i slide them back to my pocket
to weigh me down until they one day
someday
set me free


She plans to change the world

i'll build for you the battery
this small dense collection
of who i am and want to be
you with your silver chords
connect me
draw from me your sparking drive
and send it spiking
into the gasping arena 
till in the heat of this abscence
together we send shooting light
into the well of this dark world

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

excavation of the lost civilization

looking through these photographs i have found
the explanation in a silver key
that spins across the bottom right corner
a string of numbers that pulls behind it
a dawn and a sunset and the blur until dawn again
and that is the answer
it looks like a mistake 
like a heavy cloud pulled across the skyline
just as i was pressing to save it forever
it looks as though i failed 
the darkness erased the city
splashed its own black ink across the page
but looking now i realize
what it was, what i saw, and see
what was erasing the lights of the world
it is your silhouette 
standing firm in the foreground
and looking at you 
i can no longer see the spikes of city
the doors and the windows and openings of the world
all i have is you 
blotting out the world 
in your silhouette striking for a different horizon
till i too turn
and leave this world behind for yours

06 06 08
the date on the page
on this old photo album
pulled me into the past
and explained so much of this present.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Little Bird Tell Me.

careful feathered bird
blurred against the blue sky
breathe slowly and sing
a sorrow song 
a song of sunset and of shaken leaves
of the sapping of strength
and the salt of the sea
sing of separation
and the splintering of souls
in sacred silence and in shadow
sing of all the sadness in the world
sitting on this slender sapling
by my windowsill
come carefully blue bird
sing to me the secrets of the world
before you blur away

i will bury these truths under my skin
and they will wonder who told me
and how i became a woman
carrying sorrow and safety silently

how fortunate are those who are loved.

carefully i type these small messages
on these slender slips of paper
i punctuate them with numbers
secret dates
that no one but i (and you)
will recognize
then with my quick fingers
i cut the thin circles 
from the flat rolled paste
and with an easy mostion
slide the slip in and pinch together
the circle until it stands
a swollen crescent
to be roasted until rich and golden
and slipped into its see-through sheath
and sent casually out in stacks
to meet the world

one day, under tacky dragon decorations
you will lay aside your clumsy chopsticks
and read, after cracking the vanilla crust,

"the one you love is still waiting
hurry back. be safe."
06 06 08 

Pauper Princess

she says it like a spell 
every time
shaping the sounds carefully
and rolling them off her tongue 
into the silence
they stick and she shifts them 
with her hands in the air
like a child adjusting their photo
against the paste
and they wait for her
to get it just right
and then begin
because they know 
"once upon a time"
could be a door into the future

thats what she hopes anyway
in her concrete castle

Monday, May 4, 2009

futility

i built this house with a broken door
built the walls straight and strong
and a broken door
raised the roof snug and firm
and a broken door
made the windows bright and tall
and a broken door
packed the floor clean and tight
and a broken door
made my bed soft and warm
and a broken door
i hung my mirror high and safe
and a broken door

i made this life the best i could
safe and strong and soft
with straight walls and snug roof
with beauty and grace
and its nothing at all

in this castle i'm defenseless
i should know that its useless
no point to build at all

i drop everything when you call.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

why poets die young

don't they inspire you?
all these people with all their dreams
all their clumsy solutions
the fears they wear like tattered cloaks
to keep you from seeing the needs
that are eating them up underneath

they always do

they inspire me to despair
they still think life will be fair
that one day we will all fall in love
that dreams lie in reach tomorrow
that they don't have to be alone
one day they will beat sorrow.

Just look at them.
and then look again
these people and their passions
their hopes and their homes
so separate from us
they shake their heads and say

oh these poets and philosophers.

all children are poets
poets who survive adolescence
with all its clumsy dreams and stumbling vocabulary
grow into philosophers
who sit and wish and wonder
why the world works works works away

then the philosophers gather together
with all of their nothings to say
stand and say good bye 
and walk into the night
they wander and fall by the wayside

how the statistics lie to us
telling us about the homeless, the hopeless,
about the philosophers and poets
not in so many words.

The mortality rate is high
when you look to humanity
to be inspired.


Peter and Ariel

dont forget, as you have forgotten,
that i am the sea child
i will bide my time and you may come to see me
tame and easy to bind
with your rude rudder
you may put me aside in your sandstreaked mind
like an old toy, an old love
but remember, you will remember,
the way i swept you away with my long fingers
that reached beyond what you understood
and took you away into the depths
of what humanity, and the sea, dares to be
in the secret caverns where all is dark and light
where you reached for the sun
and i lifted you with all my swirling strength
and threw
and now there you are
standing on your silly shore
looking out at the waves as though they were a backdrop
for the more important shot
you'll never see your shadow slipping away
sinking into the salt water with your soul

I'll sew it back on with my needle and thimble
in your dreams that you cannot forget
and you will wake up and remember
what i told you in that last moment

I was the sea child. until we met.
Now I am a woman grown
I charge you. do not forget.
Neither you nor I were made to live alone.

Friday, May 1, 2009

sh.

today i have nothing to say
the wild crush of humanity and its noise 
beats against me and i am too weary
to thrust my individual voice into the fray
every striving voice  stands alone
against the swelling crowd for all those solitary voices
will always band together against your own
because there is no sense in cacophony
nothing but noise in the wide world
there is nothing but noise in the world
so today i am silent

today i have nothing say
they have said it before and louder
they love they despise they prize they hate
they beat against me like a thousand echos

sometimes i realize why i am so afraid of humanity
it is because it reminds me of me

self.

this is my secret soul 
in the center of who i am 
behind the similes and smiles 
comes a scritch-scratch pain
the increasingly blunt tip of this safety pin
this pen of safety scrawls the truth
into my membrane into my weak brain
and they wonder why i weep
why my eyes roll back into my head 
they must read
they must read the truth 
my poor eyes that have spent
their whole life looking outward
watching the world wander by in its wicked way
to suddenly be set free
to stumble like philosophers towards the burning sun
and it burns it burns it blazes
it brings me to my knees
and makes me wonder who i am praying to
when here in this sentient center
i find that there is nothing but this nightmare
my face alone scratched on the surface of my skin
again and again. again and again.
this is my secret. that at the deepest point
there is nothing but me and my safety
nothing but the screaming stanzas
and the chorus that pleads
'me me me me
i i i must survive'