a slip of the tongue.

i woke up today with a mouth that stung

the corners of my mouth were raw

my lips swollen and sore

my tongue found the marks my teeth had left

and tasted the rusty salt

that comes from blood and tears

i'm tired of telling my secrets in my sleep

sick of letting slip the things i hid

to make silence worthwhile

its what i do when we sit next to each other

and don't say a thing

i practice not telling you 

all the things you don't know about me

i line them up neatly in my head

i'm afraid of thunder 

because of the way it shakes my bones inside of me

like the windows in a house

and reminds me how easily they shatter

I buy people i hardly know christmas gifts

and hide them around the house

so i don't have to give them

just know that i have them 

i kept the note you gave me wrapped around

a piece of dark flavoured magic

you promised would protect me from the night

like a treasure tucked away

i touch my lip carefully

watching the swelling dip beneath its weight

in my mirror thats speckled and stained

wondering if its worth it

every night accumulating these scars

just in case you learn

the secret of my silent smile

when we sit next to each other

and say nothing at all

one day 

when you're kissing me

i'll whisper, i'll ask you

can you keep a secret

and you'll say yes

you always do to whatever i ask

and i'll laugh and stay quiet

later you'll ask what i meant

what i was going to say-

so can i. 

by the way i don't love you.