sometimes i must confess

i turn on music 

to drown you out

the type of music that was not yours

that you would never listen to

that has to do with careful fingers

crawling up and down strings

not fluttering in a spasmic explosion

but measured and calm that piece by piece

build something that seems solid

that celebrates its solidity

instead of your sounds 

which riotously tear themselves apart

collapsing at the end in a long  discord

that leaves your teeth on edge

and your soul in humble admission

of meaningless mortality

i instead flee deep among these proper chords

where these careful notes sculpt themselves

in order and precision

doing what i wish i could do

building firm walls in the midest of this plain

wehre nothing stands

because theres nothing to stand on

and they don't let that bother them

just go about their own way 

building their own world for themselves

and i am here crawling in through the windows while they work

hoping to cower in some corner

from the tumbling rush of who you are

in all your true glory and destruction

and i love you i do

and you tear me to pieces

these are true

and brilliant shining pieces of glory

in all this great gulf of life

but one is not more than the other

and so continue to be

perhaps if one day

one can cease to be true

i can survive

but you dear one don't even know these truths

only go hurtling on your comet way

pulling and pushing me with you

the fiery blaze in your wake

both beauty and pain

that is me

in love and in silence.

sometimes i try and hide from you

in my music

but then i realize 

that you're the only one that makes it

come alive.