Will she come around (go around) ?

i do know what this means
these series of small words
this surface babble
and the silence that drifts between
like snow
piling up at both ends
and oh my ears are cold
but my heart is colder

because a doctor
watching the first symptoms
of a disease he's studied all his life
and knows to still be fatal
no matter how he tries
that to see these signs
in one he loves
shakes him to the core
and turns him to the door
with nothing left to say
to give

i carry a degree in distance
won my doctorate
in the science of grief and goodbye
from the University of the International Airport
and these signs are engraved on my memory
like the list of things to do
during a crises
and i'm afraid we are in critical condition
so here's the problem with this ICU
i can't see you
and this voice only stretches so far
so i'll let the silence say goodbye
and spend my last breath on
i love you.

P.S. i love you.

and i told you once
in a postcript
on one of those little letters
that i would write
and fold tightly
to slide between your fingers
in the passing periods
laughing a little
because we were in such a rush
and it made it feel secret
like something hidden
to touch fingers in the crowded hall
of bumping shoulders and bags
that we slipped fingertips against each other
and smiled
without breaking stride
i told you once
that i was going to have a small house
full of soft things
thick with cushions
without a sharp edge in the place
and there i would sit
with my poetry and pillows
safe
and you did not understand
or if you did
you said nothing
in your note that replied
on paper with ragged edges
and that was more rolled than folded
with its creases rough breaking
through the words
like a road map or veins
the hard veins on the hands of old men
talking of todays hero
some song singer
who drove his voice raspy
in search of meaning and pain
and i understood your traveling
your weary feet that pushed on
for the next sand strewn mecca
looking for something that will plunge your soul
for some heady moment
into meaning
into eternity
and i understood
and so let you go
with only the whispers
to follow you on your path

in my home i dreamt
i was not alone

there was a door that opened
and a door that closed

and if you knew
i'll never know

Runaway.

Run run run. See him run. He runs fast. Like something unreal. From a film reel. A fish being reeled in. desperate and fighting. For breath and survival. And you know that this. Is my last chance at revival. Because mouth to mouth won’t cut it. This fishing line trap. All I’ve got to hope in. is the chance that you will wrap. Your soul around me. Like a canvas from van gogh. With its explosive colours and deep gashes of darkness. Dear I am the one. Behind this skin. Stretched so tight. You act like it’s a mask. Cry take it off. Take it off. And I cannot. Cannot let your fingertips search through my hair. For the secret string. The spring to spring the trap. To send me sprung. You keep saying. its so easy. That truth comes easily. And I can’t untie my tongue. To say. To weigh down. These dreams of yours. Tell you that this is truth. This which you don’t. won’t. see. This face is me. There is no lie. Just me. Casually choking on the words of goodbye. Because time wrapped me up. In this fishline. And this broken face is mine. See her run. Run so fast. Out run time. Well that won’t last. She knows. Do you. That this goodbye is true. I’m going gone. Can’t come along. Wrap your soul around me. And say that its okay. I’ll not and laugh and tell you. Too late too late too late.

goodbye.
for now.
for as long as now is now.
now is now is now.
sieze the moment.
now is the end.
now is now is now.
don't say hello.
no is no is no.
there's a road ahead
i must go.
must go must go must go
no is no is no
but just so you know
i love you.

now is goodbye.
for as long as now is now.

Love.Drive.

i'm running a love drive
give love
give love
five minutes of your time.
give love
and you could save a life
piling it up in bags
translucent and heavy
with sticky sweet love
and one day soon i'll drive away
and you'll be here wishing you
gave love
because every time you
gave your heart away
thats another life you saved
so
give love
give love.
save a life today.

Definition

you used to know me
and i you
but now my careful insides have become yours
these hidden thoughts and dreams
have wrapped around your tongue
and i cannot unwind these words
and the sight of you coming out of shadows
and i must play traitor to this soul
and fight the invasion of identity
because if you are i
and i am you
and you knew what i knew
i'm just beating you to goodbye

because no one stays
when they realize that
when i say
i love you

i mean...
ineedyoutostayforeverlovemelikei'myoursholdmeinyourthoughtslikesomething
preciouslaughatmewhenigetlostandspendaslongasittakestofindmeremindme
thattheworldisbigandidonthavetofixittellmeaboutyourdayeventheboringones
beokaywithmecryingletmeholdontoyouinscarymoviesandtakecareofyouwhen
youaresickineedyoutobehereandsaveaspotbesideyouformebecausethatswhere
iwanttobeforeverandever.amen.

and anytime now
you'll be standing up and leaving

what?

i have trouble believing
when i hear you say.
i'm not going away.
i am here to stay.
because.
i love you.

and i know what it means.
i've been saying it to you.
for years.

catch. and release.

Blow me a kiss.
send it striking up my cheek
like the attack it is
whistling through the air
like your backhand
and i'm one abuse victim
who doesn't think its her fault
because nothing i could do
could make you love me
could force this union
between your lips and mine
your skin and my bones
and i will tell you

you are beautiful

you smile
as if i were a fool
and say of course
and so are you

you lie
against the way my skin stretches
in the midst of this fabric
and i am yours again
because no one believes
what they see
its what he sees that matters
and now you are the one stretching
pulling back from me
gingerly
a surgeons hand unsure
if the operation will hold
back your way oth the door
and turn
to blow me a kiss

i tried to catch your love
but i missed.

a little bit longer. and i'll be fine.

i'll try
but you won't understand

what these firecrackers
in my brain
are saying what they mean
i can describe it
but to you its like a story of the stars
you can see the distant lights
but these constellations
that glow so brightly in my head
their vivid shapes
are scattered dots to you
far far away
pretty
but powerless
like the tiny lightbulbs
we place on the christmas tree
to murmur how sweet
and then flip te switch to let real light in

i don't blame you
what good would that do
i'm just going to keep trying
because talking is better than crying

any day.

second thoughts.

and you said
she said
im coming home
im going home
and it is tall and white
with a strong roof
and small plants along the walls
where the dirt meets cement
and learns which of them will move
and i have a room
with colour and substance
that sits coated over in memories
on the wall and ceilings
with words to remind me
that you never know if you can fly
unless you take that first jump
and i've jumped
now im flying home
thats what you said
she said

and here we are
on this patch of earth
where dirt rubs against the marble
and the blue sky stretches stern
with memories in the stone
and an angel with broken wings
holding a carved bouquet.

you said
she said
she was fine.

Stream.

if my world were black and white
your eyes would still be blue
because when i think of colour
its all based on you
two shades darker than your hair
the opposite of your skin
and the world is defined in terms of you

one day this frozen city
will thaw
and you can be king
and I'll ring the bells
the people will wander onto the streets
and wonder what this means
and why the stars are blazing so
and you
and i
will know

no no
talking gibberish
dreams on my fingertips
leave my clumsy
can't type straight
can't think
wait
come back

its all a mess
this message in a bottle
i'm going to set afloat
send out on this cement sea
spinning through the traffic
looking for a environmentalist
to pick me up
turn me out
into something new
recycle. renew.
i thought. you knew.

i thought i told you...
one day when the sky was blue
i thought i whispered
thought i screamed
though i threw those words
against the telephoto screen

i thought you knew...
i love you.

Anticipatory Grief

The mourners in their black
and blue bruised eyes
walk down the wet pavement
slicking it with salt
for the loss of the living
for the dead that they can not follow
yet.

she cries
for the businessmen in their sharp grey suits
the ones that would look at you
like something unintelligble, substandard
and inform you
if they bothered
that they do not cry
have not since the third grade
and then they will grow tired
and look at you with all the weary disdain
of men who must fight for their value
amongst the decimal places and conference tables
and never quite win
but only do not lose

she cries
for the girls in red heels
that drive through the pavement
intent on leaving tracks
on this cold hard world
the ones that when younger
a week or two ago
wrote their names in the desks
wrapped around anothers
to give them weight and meaning
but now they are old
and grown
and know that they must make their own way
because that is what the other faces
told them
the faces of these women
who forgot what that meant
in the rabblescrabble of commerce and equality
they've become common and erasable
and these girls in their heels
do not want to become them
so they pound the pavement down
ignoring the small pockmarks
that their predecessors have left
rushing down this same road
in order to get there (where?) before it disappears

she cries
for the old old children
hooked up plugged in
weighed down with the world
that pours through their ears via those small plastic plugs
that carefully block everything else out
those wide eyes
that are swallowed up in the flashing pixels
of another series of someone else's dreams
or nightmares as the case may be
but it keeps them quiet
and thats what matters
so they walk and talk
of kill rates and racing times
and practice their own small conquerings
that mean nothing and fade
within the day

she cries.
is there a tear not worth crying?
we cry for the dead.
she cries for the dying.

Artist.Assasian.

i'm watching these strokes
layer upon layer
watching you blend them
adding magic with touches of sound
the perfect words
to bring out just that shade of gold
that was resting behind that beam
and you are telling a story
and painting a picture
the magic is neither in one
nor the other
but the whole moment
the whole glowing realm
that surround you and your quick fingers
you and your silver tongue
strong hands and deep eyes
and you the bright beam
are the pulling force of all there is
pushing time forward
heartbeat by heart beat
and spinning the world on
you're telling and singing of beauty
and grace
talking of love
teaching of forever
i'd be your student
pay my tuition
with my weight in love
but i'm watching these strokes
too carefully not to see that
whatever you are painting
it is not me

so i'll keep walking through this gallery
holding my head and my heart
in careful careful hands
a quiet series of parts
that stumble jerk-knee through the door
and into the forever of alone

Girl with Wings.

she was an anxious child
each motion an abrupt dance
cut off by the one that tumbled after it
and there was grace in it
an explosive jagged grace
the type you see in killing beasts
she was one of them
but young stil
not quite aware of the stretching body
that throbbed with something
a physicist could say potential energy
but a poet,
a poet would see Helen
or perhaps another Boadeccia
a father would shake his head
in awe and fear
at this thing of beauty and power
that rested for a while on his shoulder
but would one day soon
find what those anxious feet were for
she stood
with fingers flying
hips jutting and swaying
a thousand photographs in a moment
and she'd still escape the frame

this is the power of the young
all the propelling tomorrows
and no heavy yesterdays

she dance stepped back into the car
and shot a straight black streak
down the highway

in.sane.

out of sight
out of mind
i'm screwing my eyes closed
sealing these wet eyelashes
they were heavy anyway
and im going to climb into this darkness
freefalling away from you
i read some where
that everything falls at the same rate
so i'm going to jump this cliff
before you finish those silver slick words
and you'll never catch me
because me and these clouds
we're one and the same
old friends
saltwater always falls in company
and baby i was never alone

guess you would know
whats her name?
the one that was sun to my moon
because you could never do it alone
how did you make it
those minutes lost in travel
from one open heart to another
did the demons creep in close
or were you too fast for them
speaking of speed
watch me fly

and i'll never hear those words
sliding through your lips
like iron to a magnet
bullets to a target
and i'm tired of being lit up
by these little red dots
aim squeeze fire
and i won't shoot you down
ause what goes around
comes back
and i'm going to choose beyond
instead of being trapped in behind

so before you say goodbye
im gonna catch this flight
and these familiar seas
that spilled from me
they'll catch me at the bottom
and teach how to swim again

out of sight. out of mind.

they always said i was crazy.
now i see i was just blind.

Fear of Falling

i was climbing a ladder one day
and the world changed
instead of scaling upwards
it stetched across empty air
balancing horizontal
on a topsy-turvy world
and i was perturbed
to say the least
clutching the polished bars
that were the only trellis i had
to keep from falling into this world
of cannot-be
the trees went sliding by
green blurs of a comet
with brown tails showering
rocks and dirt like stardust
and the bricks creaked and quaked
bending back and forth
like that jello
we used to crush between our teeth
until it was liquid soft and sweet
and sticky red slipping through our lips
and then they collapse
sliding in a bright flood
through the rolling streets
picking up lamp posts along the way
that toss about straight up
still glowing
like the glowing masts
of some sunken ship that even the ghosts have left
and it came rushing crashing down towards me
shreiking against the silver edges
of telephone wires
that suddenly shone sharp
and cut breaches i nthe red rush
that swallowed them up
even as they sliced it into liquid portions
and i threw my own voice into the crowd of noise
screaming thin and high
wrapping my extremities around these golden bars
while the wind whipped my hair
into a blindfold and gag
and then i fell.

They asked 'Are you okay?
why did you fall?'
and i said "i forgot that i
cannot fly"

so they walked away
and i wondered which world was real.

Ask the Greeks.

I'm caught in a world of demons and decoys

and i don't know what I'm fighting for

running for a silhouette 

to get away from these shadows

my feet get stuck in this sweetness

its eating away the soles of my shoes

giving my soul cavities

and the only part of north i understand

is no

so i'm spinning on this compass

a wreck waiting to happen

in these corridors of black glass

and someone told me once

that things tend to continue 

in the way that they began

its a law they said

and i'm wondering which would be worse

falling this tailspin into the ground

or wait for the cops to come and pick me up

carry me none too gently

to the white boxes 

that they stack one upon the other

with arrows pointing 'this way up'

and 'no way out'

might as well keep sliding

across this phantom landscape

a fugitive who can't remember her crime

except that once she was a bird

and now she has no wings

Should we shoot a tragedy

to put it out of its misery

or let it play to the bitter end

applause applause my friends.

superficial security

can i borrow your sunglasses
the world is too bright today
i need to see the crosshatches
that divide your reality
into black and white
force everything back into ordinary lines
and remind me about gravity
i need those thick rims you carry
that cut out all those rough edges
the parts of the world
that you don't want to deal with
the sharp sparkling parts
that keep others at bay
unless they are willing to bend
under the radar
keep their knees caved over
spine wobbled
till you deign to notice

can i borrow your glasses today?
i can be blind
and you can be me.

Call Disconnected.

I'm reaching for you
through these narrow wires
Can't you see me
My fingers squeezed so thin
like shadows on a wall

And you can't hear me
Don't turn around
Walk past this swinging reciever
cause all thats coming
is the dial tone

and maybe today's the day i realize
we all grow up alone.

love song.

the stars were going dim

hiding from me

like so much else in this world

the details that make life worth living

were lisping away

everything fading to shades of shadow

and gray

and then you arrived

re-wired the constellations

taught them to shine again

throwing your light into the gaps

connected them in ways i've never seen

and baby we're so close

to living in our dreams

cause when i see that smile

the eges of my world bend

curving in tandem

throwing me and you together

in the minumum point

skin on skin and dream on dream

this must be what forever means

Because when you lean against my hand

everything straightens out

and we are two edges of a point

shooting straight into infinity

as to what's beyond

between you and me and this song

we've got it easily

when i saw you

you threw everything into focus

my heart into spring

straight from winter

and i cant stop smiling to sing

so i'm just writing it down

waiting for you to come home

because im building us a castle

and your making it our home

here in this ordinary suburb

we're taking camelot to shame

ever since the day you came

and took my breath away

And the answer is?

and she said
arent i pretty?
aren't i pretty?
and she meant
do you need me?
do you need me?
and there are words
and there are meanings
and rarely are they exactly the same
but rather like the difference
between stained glass
and the shadow it casts
one so firm and coloured
with its careful metal letters
spelling out the sounds
and the other stretching across the floor
wavering
in the multilayered light
with the grit from the day before
pushing through its surface
and casting its own shadows
wherever it finds time to fall
and sometimes finding that other side
gets messy
breaking through those wrought edges
into the watery wealth behind
its dangerous to push those forms
to risk stepping out of that frame
into the water world of real
where truth sweeps your feet away
and washes your soul clean
in a great rushing flood through your throat
that explodes like light
through all those clogged up words
all those times you said 'fine and you?'
when you were reaching for a rescue
and suddenly you're sparkling

"Am I pretty?
Am I pretty?"

"Yes. I need you with me."